Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Crazy People Target

Here in Palm Beach County, there is an overabundance of Target stores.  I think this cheapens Target and makes it less special.  Sure, Wawas are everywhere up North...but, with only a few exceptions (like the Wawa on Chichester Ave. off of I-95.  It has store-mange and Chi Dirt customers.), all Wawa stores are gems.  I miss them sorely.  Back to this area, I have a terrific Super Target.  It's in the nicer town (Royal Palm Beach), has somewhat polite workers, and the majority of customers seem sober.  The Target closest to my job is surprisingly tame.  I work in an absolutely disgusting town, so I had tried to avoid the Greenacres Target.  However, I recently went to the Greenacres Target to pick up a pair of Trim Step flip-flops.  Since many folks in Greenacres are not exactly concerned with fitness and/or have flat feet, that store actually had those flip-flops in stock.  By the way - I didn't really buy them for the fitness aspect.  I bought them because they're black patent pleather, don't hurt, have a wide strap, and just might pass as "sandals" at work. 

The Target that is closest to my house (of course) should really be a Wal-Mart.  It's full of loud-mouthed chicks in black showercaps, drunken/strung-out mongrels, Rasta gang members with their dirty underpants popping out beneath their housecoat-sized t-shirts, screaming kids with bare feet who are being ignored by their intellectually disabled parents, and gang members' chicas with their numerous illegits.  Thus, the Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard Target has earned the name "the Crazy People Target."  Not unlike the Chichester Wal-Mart (horrific), there are vegetative security guards mulling about.  Their haunting stares are not the "I'm watching your every move and enforcing safety" type.  They display the vacant stares of individuals with developmental delays and general unawareness.  The cashiers would rather be crunking (krunking?  however it's spelled) or glamming up for a night out at El Toro Loco nightclub (the scene of many recent shootings).  Good news - the staff at the Customer Service counter will let you return anything...they just don't give a shit, and they know they're not paid enough to put up with an argument.  There are always customers screaming at each other or yelling into a cellphone. 
Earlier this week, I was short on time and needed a new bottle of Target cranberry vitamins, trashbags, and pencils.  I picked up Daniejla from school (she's the 1st grader that I babysit each weekday), and we headed to the Crazy People Target.  The sliding glass door opened, and a 12 or 13 year-old boy was holding a huge skateboard under his oversized black hoodie.  it was not a normal skateboard, it was a rocking skateboard.  Huge.

Stealing is wrong.  Being a dumbass makes it even worse.  If he felt the urge to steal, why shoot for the stars?  A snack-size Cheetos (or those scrumptious Target-brand Chickadees) would have fit nicely into the front pocket of his hoodie.  What a moron!  His concealment strategy did not work, and the two security guards sauntered over to him.  The alleged thief then lifted the skateboard over his head and started swaying back and forth.  Huh?  I took Daniejla by the hand and went up the stairs to the main part of the store (it's one of those goofy upstairs-downstairs Targets).  As we were standing in the vitamin aisle, the unintimidating security guards led the young thug to the security office.  I leaned down and whispered (loudly) to Daniejla that they were taking the kid to the "bad guys room" to wait for the real police officers to show up.  We agreed that his mom would be very mad at him.  The good choices vs. bad choices lesson was in living color!  At that point, Daniejla looked at me and robustly proclaimed, "This really IS the Crazy People Target!"